best to just go with the flow.
OUTLAW
Shit-kick boots, chains on the belt,
Harley on the jacket,
pate crowned with felt...
you can swoon, you can die
at a glance of his eye.
No one seems to notice
that he swishes more than swaggers.
Strut through the room,
dance with all The Gals,
low'r the boom on troublemakers,
joke with all The Pals...
Sally really wants him but she
worries 'cause she staggers
and she never seems to notice
that he swishes more than swaggers.
Last dance, closin' time.
The Gang leaves with a shout.
It's breakfast at the Flyin' K,
but Sally passes out.
So once again, the joke's on them
and really, does it matter?
His newfound trucker friend is glad
he swishes more than swaggers.
SEPTEMBER 05
INTELLECTUALS and various so-called experts could find reasons and explanations for my “seeing” experiences, but I find myself still ignorant and speculative. But the thrill, awe and wonderment are treasures to me!
A couple of days ago, I wanted to “see” some Thing or “go” somewhere and soon my sight was filled with things I’d not before experienced and the “energy entities” were slightly differently configured and more brightly colored! Delightful!! This could mean the original entities have evolved and somehow elevated to a different plane.
I believe we all are “assigned” a particular group or family of entities that remain with us throughout a lifetime, possibly eternity. I believe it is to these entities and beings we owe an obligation to allow, even encourage, growth and evolution and revelation in their dimensions much as we experience the same in this tinker toy planet life.
We must stretch our thoughts into the realm of What If and accept them as they present themselves, allowing possibilities, not intellectualizing and trapping them into our puny mortal mindset. The challenges are to remain sane by social standards and not exploit the experiences. However, there is some virtue in public notification, for that entices the closed-minded to open themselves to these other-dimensional possibilities.
HEALTH is an odd issue right now. I woke up early the 4th of August coughing up blood. Gross! My eldest son gallantly responded to my call & missed work to cart me to the ER & take me home later. No specific problem was found but my right lung was bubbling like a fish tank! The treatments they gave me helped immensely. I was to be referred to a lung specialist but as of now-mid month- there is no record in that office of the referral…probably because I don’t have insurance. I did not get the prescription filled as directed, but I yet may because I am dealing with some congestion. So now I’m 5 to 6 thousand dollars in debt!! Why couldn’t this have happened while I was working & had full coverage insurance??!! At least I know the lungs are “uneventful”, to quote the attending physician. Then why the hemoptysis??!! Now I feel the pressure to increase my income even more! The fibromyalgia is an ongoing aggravation in varying degrees…I’m stuck with it now. The steroids they gave me at the hospital actually eased that pain, but the “roid rage” as it’s called, is something I’m not willing to experience again. The drugs they prescribed would affect me in that manner. But it’s only for a short time, so I probably should do it. In the midst of the minor hoopla of treatment I directed this thought to my “energy friends”…”You haven’t abandoned me have you?” I believe they are the reason no spots or cancers or “events” showed up on the scan. Thanks, guys!
Update: I now believe I’d been suffering from an infection resulting from the plethora of ailments I was exposed to where I worked and the hemoptysis was a purging that got rid of it!!
OCTOBER 05
DEMONS DON’T ALWAYS WIN
I’m disgusted with perpetrators who default in responsibility by blaming the “demons” that plague them and drive them to commit heinous crimes against innocent, unsuspecting victims! There are those who’ve been the sport of demons but have not become one. Why is it that some will indulge demons and some won’t? I can attest from first-hand experience what a tough and seemingly never-ending battle it is to struggle against the demons; much easier to finally give in, either to your own or someone else’s with whom you may be involved.
How can we not blame the mortal who defaults? The choices are ours, and, guess what; we create those demons by indulging our own negative, unproductive energies! Responsibility cannot be escaped. We give a lot of attention to criminals; how about equal time for those who’ve been exposed to demons but have escaped. Let’s pick their brains to discover what makes them tick! New Agers are correct in one way; these are the End Times. Perhaps the “demons” are a method of separating the chaff from the wheat.
By the way, don’t waste forgiveness on those criminals who kill, torture, abuse, etc. There are many kinds of deaths. “Thou shalt not kill” is forever valid!
NRR-No Ritual Required
When you know the truth and the truth sets you free, it’s fabulous! You learn that mantras, rituals, regimens, whatever, are no longer needed! The link is closed. You are complete! You realize the power of faith, hope and appropriate thought! You know for a certainty you are NOT alone! You think outside the brain and feel young in spite of biological dictates!
The other side of the coin finds you more sharply aware of the onus of the state of your “condition”. You want more of your planet mates to experience the freedom but realize that, since it’s a solo effort, they probably can’t or won’t make an attempt. Then sadness wrings your heart. How easy to proclaim, “I’m not a god! I could never be a god! I’m a lowly being barely above the beasts!” We default; no effort required. Somewhere along the way we’ll find out we screwed up! That will be our hell.
NOVEMBER 05
MOST RECENT Interesting Things I’ve seen lately:
Green and gold energy spheres appeared; then along came a sunny yellow color in the sphere form which configured into a “medallion” with a “face” such as an ancient coin might have & another sunny yellow which had flower petal-like edges. After a few moments the yellow intensified to a more golden depth and they all left. I hadn’t seen this yellow before…very pleasant!
At a later time this month, I saw these energy configurations a little below and to my left through an “opening” in the very dark black, opaque matter, much like peering through a small tunnel!
Prior to this – I seem to be reversing, chronologically – I found myself standing in a doorway (yes, myself, but not this physical self) to a room wherein there was a male looking down at what appeared to be a screen built into a shelf-like desk area. I sensed there were other “persons” standing behind me. They were those I’d interacted with before in certain scenarios. The man looked up, made a sweeping motion with his right arm; looked back at the screen again, then turned & moved a step or two toward me. He had a look on his face I couldn’t decide was sorrow or fear or pleading. He held his arms out but still at his sides; then suddenly he “hugged” me with his face turned to his right & bowed. I felt a strong, tingly physical sensation and then he was gone! I was surprised at his reaction! I thought I might look around the room, but the “vision” ended. I have the thought that I may have sought out this person to join me or at least to remove him from the situation he was in…..he looked familiar in hair color & facial features….
Most recently….dense white “cloud-like” energy; formed into a scene of a meadow with trees, etc., a horse & a “figure”; sort of a primitive art effect, but animated….pleasant!
Beautiful deep pink-colored “cloud rings” within which there were brilliant gold rings from which golden ‘sparks” emitted! Awesome! They moved in the familiar pattern & stayed several moments!
Shortly after realizing I’d gone as far as I could go in this mortal body in my Truth search, I sensed I was at a “place” where I could just “Be”. The realization was exhilarating!!!! A bit above me & to my left, I “saw” a certain measure of the opaque energy “pouring” into my “area” from one particular spot; I would compare its appearance to thick, black oil. I’ve seen this opaque energy many times, but usually in a more concise configuration; it always instills a sensation of awe! I think of it as the All Power from which every other energy proceeds…at a later time, I saw & felt many Beings moving “from” me & away from me; they were enclosed in the opaque energy matter.
Shortly after realizing I’d “arrived” I saw a face very close to me but not looking directly at me, yet life-size, emerging through the hazy, cloudy area & a bit to my left. (This was before the measure of opaque energy.) it seemed male & ethnic, but not African & not American Indian, as I’m accustomed to seeing; not Caucasian, but not ruddy-complexioned. I seemed to hold my breath, not knowing what to expect! This “person” looked down; the expression was inscrutable, yet seemed to relax after a few moments & then withdrew gradually. Maybe he was just checking to see what all the commotion was about! A couple of days later, I watched something on television about the present day Incas & saw there the same facial type!!
About the same time frame, above and to my left – again- I saw a portion of a ladder with rounded rungs and sides which configured itself & then un-configured after several moments! I thought of Jacob’s ladder in the Old Testament, which led me to read the “story” of Jacob & all those guys again. Anyway, the ladder stayed several moments & I wondered if I should try to climb it…there were about a dozen rungs visible to me; it was the deep, rich gold colored energy! This is the 11th year from the year of the beginning of my epiphany….
FEAR of GOD? My mother once advised me to “put the fear of God” into my children. She could not understand why I allowed them to “sass” me. “How can you let them talk to you like that?” she once queried via a long distance phone conversation several years ago. I explained that they had a right to express their feelings. I would allow them to make their statement of dissent (as in “I hate you!”) about three times and then take control of the flow of their ire sternly but not threateningly ( I hoped). She had no response at the time but in a later conversation told me she wished she could raise her children again; she would do it differently. I took this to mean she approved of my attitude since we were severely punished, my brother and I, if we dared “talk back to” our parents, especially Mother. It was not allowed!
Apparently in that day and age, you were a good parent if you “ruled with an iron hand”, did not “spare the rod” and “put the fear of God into” your offspring. How strange that I now do not “fear God”! another freedom of my Absolute Truth! I now realize, as well, that I wanted to be an obedient child not only because of the threat over my head but also that I desired to please my parents. It worked! My parents allowed me to think for myself in many ways…how could they control thoughts? We were poor, which limited worldly pursuits. The mainstream Christian discipline came naturally to me due to my innate ethics. Religion didn’t “make” me; I made the principles palpable! Those inborn standards and ethics have always been and will be my own trademark forever! So there!
WaddaYOUStarinAt ? !
the most important place in town
the local grocery store
humanity's breadbasket meeting place
temple to mortality
price-comparing label-reading
penny-pinchers worship there
and me,
i'm singin' in the aisles.
shut up the kid with swat or threat
you got a license to drive that thing?!
lung-sucking brain-numbing rat-race noise
musak-mouth teasing-smell hard-sell
gotta have need want
while me
i'm just singin' in the aisles.
lights-fantastic brain-fart-magic
in the basket out the door
pay and pay and pay some more
cash or check or credit card
can't grow it in your own back yard
the sign said special of the day
paper bag or flimsy plastic
screw it, people,
I AIN'T BUYIN' !!
i just came to stand here watchin'
singinintheaisles!
DECEMBER 05
BLENDING is apparently an omnipresent activity just as balancing is. It seems I’m gathering or collecting “beings”; most recently, a 30-ish looking male with strange hair, messy, blond with orangey tips; fair complexion; longish face; appeared with others, but they were not noticeable. These were at my right side and as they were “absorbing” into “me”, this one looked directly at me. His expression was mournful. Just as he melded, a crown of thorns appeared on his head & the impression of that lingered at my right shoulder for some time. I’m left to still only speculate but since I’ve asked for Truth, I must assume that these are created ideas or beliefs made actual that I’m gleaning for reconstruction. Also, it could be that I’m collecting energy entities from my previous life experiences. I know truth will be revealed to me and probably needs to be monitored for the benefit of my mortal consciousness. I realize that now I actually feel an energy response at the occasions of these various circumstances. I would like to read Dwyer’s book but realize that while he was writing his book-even before-I was exercising what he calls the power of intention. It would be interesting to check it out, nonetheless!
FOUND
Someone who thinks as I do…Wayne Dwyer (?)…has been making a living writing books to tell people how to live, whatever. But he said nothing about “seeing” or “hearing” scenarios with Other Beings, so I think he purports a lifestyle that is commendable, but only goes so far & no further. That may be enough for some folks, but, in my opinion, someone must challenge the old “gods” & “demons” we humans have created along the way. That’s where I come in! This is what I do! How can I write a book about that! So…I’ll share my poetry & keep the rest minimal; to do more may jeopardize the work until I become aware that it may be appropriate for a full revelation to the public. It just might be that only so far along the path is enough for most humans & only a few will go beyond a certain level.
NOTED: in order to achieve my goal of Blend, I’ve had to deny any relationships in my personal life other than my immediate family…no boyfriends, lovers, husbands, etc. While working, I was also deterred in the concentrated effort; so the arthritic affliction has its value in a backhanded manner.
As for prosperity, it’s still in the future somewhere, somehow! For now, it is great to realize I’ve connected with my ancient roots, so to say, and I can observe small revelations occurring all over the planet. I might call myself the “ober shaman”! Only I know, of course, and to reveal too much to my planet mates would be a total error, so I continue to seek gems of truth and stay alert to In Tuition and anticipate what the future may bring. Happy New Year!
PSYCHICS
Why don’t psychics put their “gifts” to better use? Our world could be readily balanced; criminal behavior could be detected before it comes to fruition; fat cats would not be in power; religious zealots could make no claim to mass brainwashing; there would be no classes/castes, no starvation, no imbalances in the human condition, etc. But where would be the challenges? As individuals, we must seek our own realities. We must empower our Selves to find answers and solutions, not chase every wind and claim!
SOMETHING ELSE…the “sound” in my left ear has become more frequent & insistent; also, a male appeared to my left & said, “So it’s truth, huh?” to which I responded, “Yes. Truth.” This was a person with light brown skin & his lips protruded a bit as though in thought, as “Hmmm”. This reminded me of the planet-surface scenario. Then, again, I realize there just may be something to that Zodiac thing; probably a way to define times to be born & personality traits with which one must deal….June 1 Gemini is mine & so many experiences reveal to me that I’m partnered in some way with an “other being”.
These all occurred late November.
November 30th, I “saw” the reddish energy which configured into the head & face of a male-looking being whose color was deep red – I would say burgundy. The smile on his face was what I would call deep satisfaction as he “snuggled” next to the face of a plain-looking female. She had her eyes closed & seemed unhappy…certainly not enjoying the experience! My thought was that this was not good; the scenario changed to that male face (the female face left) moving to another male face which was distinctively featured & the same burgundy color. That one was older & had the hair & facial features of a plump, pompous man. An artist might use “him” as a portrayal of the god Bacchus…his hair & beard were curly, profuse & well-kempt. The minor male left (I believe he was the fellow retrieved from the room previously) & the older male stayed, looking at me sternly & saying something I didn’t hear. My thought was, “you know you can’t be here if it’s not appropriate”, after which, he was gone & a plethora of flake-shaped energies, all small, moved into my area to my right, en masse & in surging groups! I thought they would never stop! There must have been thousands! Behind them was a larger configuration of this color, but more pastel. They all had been there during the previous scene, which I only then realized! They were the plum-colored purple of lilacs, one of my favorite flowers! I felt their energy as a sort of excitement…this is a feeling I sense frequently lately!
So it’s December 2nd now, and I still ponder what to do with all this. I was think-asking about my prosperity & the words FUTURE & the first four letters of my maiden name were formed, so I guess my money struggles remain to be dealt with…at any rate, maybe I’m still not through finding Truth & being prosperous would probably deter me from my intent…..what I seek is far more valuable than “worldly goods”!
This very morning, on TV, there was some hoopla over the treasure trove books & the finders…there were 4, I think & they were all men who’d cracked the codes, clues, whatever & found the treasures…quite valuable prizes involved & more to come, according to the author. I relate to this! I believe these ideas all come from “Somewhere”. Individuals express them in different ways. Since I decided to seek & find – ask & it will be answered – knock & it will be opened – I should be elated to find myself in these positions! Obviously, I am able to maintain control or at least, my ground rules are established now. I still can’t explain all, but maybe I don’t have to….
SURPRISE
Quite often, my own thoughts surprise me & require a good deal of pondering prior to expressing. Charity has been one of these subjects recently. I have the impression that being charitable is very Pharisee-esque! This hurricane season has affected thousands & the media have made a major project of revealing how the unaffected have rallied to aid the displaced; building homes, donating funds, acts of kindness unparalleled in the history of our nation. Celebrities are not shy about their efforts; humble, in demeanor, of course, but generous in the telling. Audiences get the opportunity to empathize & join in efforts to aid. These are not bad things. And yet, I sense something is amiss!
Faith, hope & charity; and the greatest of these is charity: So if we’re a charitable species, this must be special, right? The question is; if so, why is it that so many of the displaced population created by hurricane Katrina are the have-nots from a particular section of a famous state? Then, too; why are there so very many of these “pockets” of underprivileged citizens of our very special United States? If Charity is so great, how can we find ourselves scrambling to the aid of the afflicted? Ideally, funds would be at hand; better yet, the disparity between social levels would not be so extreme.
Look at it another way. Faith, Hope & Charity are individual energy essences. If we could measure them on a scale as a human’s blood cells are, what would we find? When a cell measures too large on this scale, the doctor is concerned that a particular mineral or vitamin or chemical need is not being met within that mortal body; the cell may continue to enlarge in an effort to seek out what it needs, thus endangering its fellow cells by way of an imbalance or stealing other needed nutrients. In this case, the greater the cell, the more human health is jeopardized! From this perspective, Charity is not nor ever has been, receiving a proper dose of the healthy kind. So Need grows far out of proportion to necessities! Again, balance is absolutely necessary! (my science may not be correct here, but I hope you get the picture ☺)
THE TRUTH? So here we are at the conclusion of another Earth year (2005) and I still seek Truth Absolute. So far, the belief is growing that humanity is IT! We’re the epitome of “God’s” creations to date. We’ve read that we’re “just below the angels”. That’s a VERY powerful position in which to be! That statement tells me (plus what I’ve “seen”) we’re designed from the angel template or pattern; not from apes or any sort of mortal evolutionary process! We’ve been given an entire planet, no requisites stated or expected! Gratis! This planet life is humanity’s opportunity to prove itself worthy of the gift! We are more special and important than we give ourselves credit for being. This is our chance to elevate our level of existence or not! The challenges are profound and numerous! The potential is limitless! The future belongs to the Blending, Balancing Future Being!
JANUARY 06
THE STUNNING TRUTH
As I perceive it, the true creators are the energy entities and configurations! We who are “mortals” are those with a consciousness level to achieve actuality as persons and/or animals, insects, birds, etc. There has been and continues to be a symbiotic, sybaritic affiliation of creation and existence. Use of hallucinogens, chemicals, drugs et al, is an unconscious urge to reconnect with the truth of our creation-existence, albeit erroneously. The Christ entity gave many prompts to enable the natural connection to our celestial roots but one must expend a tremendous amount of thought intent to achieve it. Life gets in the way. Ideas become dogmas which create Beliefs which become deterrents!
If this were not the case, we would never learn and grow and create in our own right! If freedom of choice were not an option, Energy would be stagnant and unproductive; inert, if you will. Throughout the universe, consciousnesses in matter have responded to the prompting and stimulation of the higher level of energy consciousness and Mankind and Earth came to Be! Throughout the Ages, this planet and its inhabitants have energized the right and privilege to maintain status in the Grand Scheme of Life! At least, it’s a goal worthy of our efforts.
BEINGS
I’ve encountered beings which I could construe to be “Christ” and “God” and, perhaps, Moses or some other of the known Biblical greats. I sense that I feel a bit of awe and a great deal of respect, but, at the same instance, equality. I don’t yet know exactly who I am or where I fit into the Grand Scheme of Life but my thoughts are that I’ve reached farther than most mortals and broached more challenges than my planet mates have in many generations! What status this affords, if any, I do not know.
Apparently, exchanges have been made and agreements fulfilled. Now my task is to be able to maintain my mortal life and to continue to absorb Truth whether I can understand or express it or not. I do feel a bit disconnected and apart from this planet and its inhabitants. So many small truths enter my thoughts that I couldn’t possibly keep a record of them! But Truth is my request and I feel that it will be honored. More evidence of deceit and usury by persons and consortiums in powerful positions is becoming apparent via media exposure. Authors of books are expressing truths on a level acceptable to the group mentality. Where my place is in all this I’ve yet to understand and I hate winter, so I’m hibernating a bit; I ponder many possibilities of endeavor, but don’t feel particularly inspired, so my brain, Mind and I are sort of coasting for a time.
FEBRUARY 06
INTERFERENCE
I find it peculiar that some of the “beings” I’ve encountered seem to be intimidating and/or interfering! They don’t take kindly to challenges, apparently. Mortals would be disinclined to continue their intent to find Truth. In my opinion and experience, these are actual counterparts to the old beliefs humans have created through the ages. Energy entities are trapped within these systems and must be freed in order to realize who and what we truly were and are! In the pursuit of Truth Absolute, encounters with these Beings are inevitable. I’ve observed a give and take aspect in dealing with them; if I want these Energies freed, I must find and give something the Being values and/or requires! Sometimes this entails a quest or project. Success doesn’t always prompt a joyous response, probably because it means relinquishing power and control for those deeply entrenched Beings. In our mortal state, these Beings can and do influence our moods. One must not allow it. The greater goal must be achieved; that of revelation of our cosmic roots, so to speak. At any rate, this is my intent, and none but I know it.
It’s good that I live alone, because I’ve been tremendously disgruntled and unhappy for the past few days and have engaged in pity party and righteous defiance by turns. The morning that I write this, I sense I’ve come to grips with my moodiness and can take a deep breath and tell the now powerless Beings to take a hike!!!!
FRUSTRATION!
I’m crabby and petulant these past several days! I’m sick of winter! Even sunny but cold days are not a reprieve. I’ll soon reach the age of 65 years and I’m being pounded into a little square hole where I’m expected to live out my days paying through the ass for insurance that I’ll feel obligated to use/if I don’t have it I may regret it/these are my declining years and that’s what I have to look forward to…….!!!!!
I HURT!!!! Obviously, I’m supposed to experience this pain. WHY??!!! Perhaps for the purpose of taking ME into the realm where it leads; perhaps to enable my Energy Team to do whatever jobs they do. But I’m impatient and childish! I’m self-centered and demanding like an unreasonable child!!
Interesting scenario I experienced 2 days ago: a “spirit” personification of myself-younger & prettier, thankfully-immediately in front of me & very close….in my face, so to speak. At first, she gave me a disdainful look as if to say “you’re out of line again” & then another “being” with two or three others accompanying her approached that me. I couldn’t hear what was said, but the one reached out with her hand, touched that me on the forearm & said something. That one’s facial expression communicated concern & it seemed to me, reassurance. As those Beings retreated, “she” patted the “spirit” me on the arm as if to say, “it will be alright; just hang in there & we’ll get back to you.” Could be they were saying “we know how difficult your job is. Keep up the good work & try to pacify the old broad as well as you can.” Who knows?! Whatever they said, “spirit” me melded into me but I was still aware of her presence…oh, yes, she was holding some papers in her hands! Perhaps they were saying, “continue the writing…”…..at least spirit me didn’t give me that look again!
I asked for truth but maybe I should have asked for understanding! Anyway, a couple of sunny days & rainy week to come!!! HUMBUG!!!!
BEING POOR
I don’t particularly like it, but very possibly my life status here and now may be the required balance for my future prosperity. Once again, a test for my patience! Just about the time I think I could handle a part time job, the pain intensifies and I become preoccupied with merely making my body more comfortable! The affliction becomes the focus! Perhaps I’m doing this to myself, subconsciously. If I am, there must be a good reason. I now wonder if I should have asked for understanding as opposed to truth….
But I honestly believe truth is becoming more rampant in the world and understanding will come along eventually. If the meek will inherit the earth, then may we surmise the poor and needy and non-powerful are those meek? If there is to be a world of any worth left to inherit, truth must be all and all; the powerful must and will topple; they are, in fact, toppling more readily as I write this!
Lyrics
I
Dawn tones to me in breathless puffs of sound
and sucks my spirit through organic mush
with "pah" and "kah" and "jah" and "zah"
imbeds me in his frosty, cosmic tongue while lollypoppish licking
washes off the membrane of this earthly frame
ingesting excess for his light and spitting out the seed of me
into my Other Life where I awake Complete
and knowing All.
II
I yearn to feel the tongue of Dawn for life beleaguers all my Soul
and sets my heart to crying out for Womb where from I sprang
where cells primordial wrenched themselves into this camouflage
and birthish thrust impaled me here upon this mortal cause!
III
Recklessly, I sometimes take my sorrow by the throat
and shake it like an old rag doll that cannot fight me back
to give me better humor for the road which I must trek
so dancing out a tripping beat for music merrier than
moaning of my morbid fate which dies in sun bright heat
and makes each Dawn a pleasant taste
of feastish heaping on my Plate!
IV
O, foolish I, who did not know the joy of all my Being
when constipated insight hid the scope of all my Seeing;
Omega in an Alpha place, how have I come so far?
Tenacity, it serves me well, to bring me to the fork of road
traversed and trod again ignoring signposts oafishly
that I had passed before!
But now the Dawn brings more than light;
it brings en-Light-enment!
And forks in roads I put to mouth
and gorge upon the Feast!
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